WCW Saturday Night: June 15, 1996

I’m laid up with one of the worst summer colds I’ve ever experienced; but the timing couldn’t be better because with a 2-hour edition of Saturday Night, followed by the pay-per-view, 2 hours of Nitro, and another rockin’ episode of Prime (could we see the return of TOPP GUNN?!?) – I’ll need all the downtime I can get. THIS … is WCW!

TONY SCHIAVONE and DUSTY RHODES are very excited for this Father’s Day weekend; but perhaps less excited are Mongo and Debra after Debra was attacked by the Horsemen? Also, no longer able to ignore it – Tony can’t wait to see who will defend WCW from the invading Razor Ramon and Diesel. Dusty figures there’s 100 guys in the back who are ready to go. Super Giant Ninja? Lifeguard Steve Collins? TOPP GUNN?!?

VK WALLSTREET vs. MARCUS BAGWELL

Bagwell has a shot at the “King of the Ring” title according to Dusty Rhodes, when he faces DDP at Great American Bash. The way Wallstreet is protected on these jobber shows despite NEVER being good enough for Nitro, I almost wouldn’t be shocked if he beats Bagwell here. Wallstreet hits a couple of early slams, but Bagwell comes back with a pair of dropkicks. And so we clap! Wallstreet wants a timeout, but the referee doesn’t appease him. Back in, Bagwell wrenches the arm, but misses a springboard crossbody, allowing Wallstreet to hit a clothesline for 2. Bagwell is tossed to the floor, but nothing exciting happens. Back in, Bagwell takes back over with a couple of clotheslines, while Tony excitedly notes the “Second Wind!” That comes to an end on the heels of a Stock Market Crash, but Wallstreet refuses to go for the pin, as he wants to do a second one. This time, Bagwell slips down his back and gets the roll up and pin at 4:38. Life partner and soul mate SCOTTY RIGGS arrives, and Bagwell gives him pantomimed fellatio? You be the judge.

LEE MARSHALL checks in with Bagwell and Riggs. Bagwell says he’s exhausted, having forgotten how tough it is to be a singles wrestler, and kinda wishes Scotty had won the coin toss to determine which of them would wrestle Page. Feel his passion here kids – he wants this match so badly he wishes he’d lost a coin toss. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE wanders in to the party, and tells Riggs he’s lucky he didn’t win the coin toss, because otherwise he’d be sucking his meals out a straw. “Listen Chachi, you don’t know what I went through to get this ring.” Bagwell tells him it doesn’t matter, because he’s better. You show him Buff!

“HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN vs. THE GAMBLER

Gambler’s holding the Dead Man’s Hand, dude why? Are you trying to jinx yourself? Granted, Duggan’s always been a couple cards short of a full deck, but I still get the feeling this just can’t end well. He tries, man does he try. But a couple of meathooks from Duggan gets control, and a powerslam sets up the inevitable. 3 point stance gets the pin at 2:12. But then my man Gambler attacks Duggan from behind after the bell – thattaboy!!!! Duggan tapes the fist and knocks him out cold. DUD

OUR WORLD IS ABOUT TO CHANGE. ENTER THE REALM! BLOOD RUNS COLD! IN EACH OF US BURNS A FURY OF A WARRIOR! COMING – JULY 1996! Is he the THIRD MAN?!?

HARLEM HEAT vs. THE STEINER BROTHERS

Classic WCW tag-team pairing here. Tony mentions that the fans don’t really identify with any of these guys, which is why they make such great tag-teams as opposed to singles. Good work, Tony. Backstage, FIRE & ICE state the Steiners are just the first step to them winning the tag-team titles. Dream big, think gold, fail spectacularly – Fire & Ice ladies and gentlemen! Stevie Ray and Rick pair off, with Stevie hitting a scissor kick, followed by a clothesline. Rick ain’t having none of that, and German suplexes the big man, followed by a clothesline for 1. Scott comes in, but Stevie powers him back to the corner and turns it over to Booker. Harlem Sidekick misses, but Scotty sells it – god bless him. Stevie gets a cheap shot, allowing Booker to hit the Harlem Sidekick for real this time. A double team vertical suplex gets 2. Sidewalk slam sets up a knee drop off the second rope, but Scotty rolls out of the way and tags in Rick. House o fire! Rick small packages Booker, but Stevie turns it around. Scott then does the same with Stevie’s back turned and celebrating, and the Steiners get the win at 5:06. *1/2

HIGH VOLTAGE vs. FIRE & ICE

Big announcement from Tony: Mongo is in the back! THE Mongo McMichael? We should all feel so privileged! Ruckus hits a pretty nice shoulderblock off the top rope, but Rage tries a springboard something and gets powerslammed by Norton. Ice Train shucks and jives, and shakes hands with Ruckus?!? What the hell is up with that? A shoulderblock from Train damn near kills Ruckus, so there goes the friendship. Train allows some free shots, which only serves for a hulk-up. Gutwrench slam, over to Norton, and the shoulderbreaker sets up a Train splash off the top for the win at 2:42. *

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND is with MONGO MCMICHAEL and DEBRA MCMICHAEL. Debra calls Flair and Anderson animals, and Mongo’s still feeling rage, taking time to show us his anger by stopping Gene to punch the door. Keep working on them acting skillz, Mongo. He promises that everybody’s gonna get exactly what they want out of this match, and that his motivation is the oldest in the book. For the horrendous, campy acting and storyline, this set up is so juicy I am honestly giddy for tomorrow’s payoff.

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. STEVE DOLL

Dusty describes Mongo as “not no stupid individual”, which I’m sure will make him feel a whole lot better. While Page shows off to the crowd, SCOTTY RIGGS comes out and asks Doll if he can take over. Doll’s all “sure, why not, it’s not like I have a shot in hell anyway, have it at jobber”, and thus …

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. SCOTTY RIGGS

High knee connects right away, but he is not the Booty Man, and thus does not score the pinfall. Page screams “WHAT’S HE DOING HERE??? YOU’RE TOAST MONKEY!” Riggs claps, as he’s wont to do. Test of strength is won by Page, but Riggs gets the last laugh with a tornado armdrag, followed by a dropkick that sends Page to the floor. Riggs up top, but Page hits the ropes to crotch him. Gorgeous top rope Diamond Cutter hits, but Page doesn’t go for the cover, opting instead to continue the assault, drawing out MARCUS BAGWELL for the DQ at 2:32. 1/2*

BRAD ARMSTRONG vs. ARN ANDERSON

Arn offers Brad the hand of friendship, and Brad tentatively shakes, but Arn does the right thing and doesn’t lay in a cheap shot. At least until the bell rings, at which point he takes Brad down with a hairpull, because screw Brad Armstrong. Brad throws a closed fist that knocks Arn down, and possibly loosened some teeth.

Dusty starts a strange story about how everyone in WCW who’s anything has a match tomorrow night, while other guys are scrapping for TV time (like Steve Doll?) – and if outsiders are just trying to work their way in, well they best look at these names and decide if they really want a war. Yes Dusty, Razor Ramon looked terrified on Monday. Meanwhile, Arn kills Brad with a spinebuster at 2:46. *

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND has tracked down RIC FLAIR, ARN ANDERSON, BOBBY HEENAN, WOMAN, and ELIZABETH. Anderson lets the footballers know they don’t have the tools to use their strength and speed to their advantage – and that the Horsemen have been doing what they do best for a long time. They might get hurt bad, possibly permanent. Flair: “You’re Conway Twitty, McMichael, I’m Elvis Presley!” Flair promises not only to destroy them, but to make their own notch in the NFL hall of fame. Heenan repeats over and over he’s not afraid of Heenan, while sweating profusely and voice cracking.

BLOOD RUNS COLD! TWICE IN ONE SHOW!

Now Gene’s hanging out with “LORD” STEVEN REGAL. Gene wishes everyone a happy father’s day, but Regal takes offense; “I’m sure a very nice thought to all you Americans not even bloody likely knowing who your fathers are.” Gene wants to discuss Sting’s recent backslap retaliation. Regal starts talking about the Pearl Harbour attack from “1945”; Gene: “That’s 1941!” “Who cares, I have a lot on my mind.”, and promises the end result for Sting will be similar.

“LORD” STEVEN REGAL (with David Taylor, Robert Eaton, and Jeeves) vs. JOHNNY WILD

Johnny Wild!!! If he was fighting ANYONE but my main man Regal, you KNOW I’d be clamouring for an upset! I mean, how can you top this look?

One creative fan shows off her sign, “Lord Stinkin Regal”, and Regal most definitely sees it, sneering and giving us looks that represent his complete and utter disgust with the 9 year old girl swine that makes up America. Regal gives Wild a European Uppercut! Then he falls to the floor where Taylor hits up with a European Uppercut!!! God damn, what did Johnny Wild DO to these men to deserve such a beating?? Back in, butterfly floatover suplex, Regal stretch, victory at 1:16. At least *****, and probably worthy of the first *****1/2 rating in wrestling history. Then Regal hits Wild with another European Uppercut on the floor! There’s entertainers, and then there’s Steven Regal – truly no comparison.

STING is up for a word with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND about Lord Regal. Sting says he’d rather have his teeth knocked down his throat than to have a guy like Regal backhand him, but returning the favour was wonderful. He promises even more, in Baltimore, this Sunday.

THE GIANT (with Jimmy Hart) vs. PRINCE IAUKEA, REX KING, COBRA, and MARK STARR (in a handicap match)

Iaukea starts, and is chokeslammed immediately. Rex King follows suit. Mark Starr looks on like “I don’t THINK so!”, so Giant pins Iaukea and King at the same time at 0:36. Starr leaps off the top trying to get in a free shot, but Giant catches him and chokeslams him into tomorrow. Cobra tries to slam Giant, but that goes about as well as expected, and he’s chokeslammed to death. The referee counts more pins on those guys at 1:07. I found this all perversely entertaining.

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND is pretty sure Giant is unstoppable. Hart doesn’t disagree, and promises that tomorrow night Luger’s up for a reminder again what Giant’s all about. Giant says the only time Luger’s had a chance is when his buddies were nearby. He doesn’t fear the Torture Rack at all. This is a confident man.

JOHN TENTA vs. TOPP GUNN

YES! YES! YES! TOPP GUNN BAYBEE! Dusty wonders if it’s Tom Cruise after “a few tamales”, but Tony doesn’t think so. This looks to end quickly, but BIG BUBBER and JIMMY HART wander onto the scene with Tenta’s hair. That fires him up so much he hits a really fast Avalanche for the win at 1:01. DUD

KEVIN SULLIVAN gets a killer 30 second promo about Chris Benoit that I can’t give enough credit to. It’s filmed in a black and white, psychedelic style, where he just keeps mumbling, laid back hands over eyes, about how he’s going to show the Horsemen what Benoit’s all about. I can’t even believe I’m loving a Sullivan segment this much, but bravo.

THE BARBARIAN vs. LEX LUGER (for the WCW World Television title)

Seeing as how Barbarian is the #2 contender to the World Title, and Luger inexplicably leapt over him, not only do I agree with this match – but Luger’s title shot should ALSO be on the line. The announcers discuss how lean Luger is, and honestly, he does look about as trim and ridiculously over-roided as you’ll ever see him. Barbarian starts with the traditional heel shoulderblock to knock Luger over, leaving Lex shaking his head in disgust. Luger tries running into the brick wall that is Barbarian, and he does manage to get the man rocking, with a clothesline sending him over to the floor. No DQ, because WCW is anything if not inconsistent. Barbarian threatens to destroy the cameraman. I don’t remember liking Barbarian, but he’s been winning me over the last few weeks. Powerbomb leaves Luger a batterered and broken man. Lex is placed on the top rope, but Luger fights the big man off. A forearm off the top drops Barbarian, and a powerslam puts Lex back in control. Luger goes for the Rack, but Barbarian jabs a thumb in Luger’s eye – catching EVERYONE off guard. Love it – those fans just deflated like a balloon and the heat is on overload. Off the top, Barbarian hits a belly to belly overhead superplex and drops Lex on his HEAD! Right before the PPV – can you IMAGINE that flying today? Flying headbutt goes to finish, but Luger moves. To his feet, Luger manages to get on the Rack and scores the win at 4:03. This is worth tracking down, and nobody’s more surprised to be writing those words than I am. ***1/2

Finally, in a special pre-taped special interview with Lex Luger; Luger states that the match is important because he’s seen the Giant go through everyone in the company, and he wants to do something about it. Luger says taking a Chokeslam is like being thrown off a second story building with great force, and taking one through a table is a whole ‘nother level. He says the table-slam was personal; the Giant was trying to take him out. The Giant’s still young, probably feels invincible. But he’s a human, he bleeds, he sweats, and he feels pain, just like everyone else. And if you think you’re invincible, you become overconfident and careless. Luger says he’s had a lot of title matches in his career, and thus he’s experienced at choking during all of them. Nobody’s ever been tag-team, TV, and World champion at the same time, and if he can pull it off, he’ll have a made legacy nobody will ever be able to touch until Lance Storm.

Tony and Dusty wrap it up. Great American Bash is up next. It also happens to be my favourite show of all time. But does it hold up? We’ll see tomorrow!

WCW Prime: June 10, 1996

Is this the week that Johnny B Badd finally leaves the opening sequence? Noooo – he’s such a BADD man!

CHRIS CRUISE and DUSTY RHODES can’t wait for the Bash – and are all talk about Benoit / Sullivan, which is actually a nice change of pace seeing as how they get no time on Nitro at all to explore that feud. Anderson and Sullivan will be tag-teaming in the main event, Dusty wonders how Chris is gonna respond to the fact Arn doesn’t seem to be taking his side. Also, Cruise wonders just who’s going to coach Team Football. Someone doesn’t watch Nitro!

THE GAMBLER vs. THE BOOTY MAN (with Kimberly)

I’d profess my love for Gambler in words, by why talk when this will do?

Dusty feels the Gambler is “close” to victory one of these weeks; only because they refused to air his match with Loch Ness. There’s a conspiracy kids. Kimberly bounces cheerfully at ringside – but you’ll notice that the Booty Booty Booty Man’s main event push has faded substantially without Hogan around – and not even Kimberly’s gonna save him. Gambler hits a super exaggerated double axehandle, but that’s all he’s getting. A trifecfta of High Knees (GET IT HINEY) finish at 2:33. DUD

CHRIS BENOIT vs. EDDIE GUERRERO

I’m not convinced that Eric Bischoff has any idea that these guys can, and are willing to be booked against other opponents. This is about the 5^th or 6^th time he’s paired these guys in 1996. But then, Benoit’s always been killer against smaller opponents, so let’s get down. Cruise points out how cut Benoit’s gotten over the last few months, and honestly, he’s not kidding. Benoit headbutts Guerrero, and delivers knife edge chops with such ferocity I’m shocked the kid in the 4^th row wasn’t bragging to his classmates on Monday he’s collected one of two rare Eddie Guerrero nipples. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker has Eddie down for 2. Guerrero comes back with a rana, and Chris goes to the floor, threatening to leave. Eddie does backflips off the top like a carnival performer – apropos for THIS crowd. Chris gets back in and goes back to the chops. Double leg slam takes the life out of Eddie, and the Liontamer is applied in the centre of the ring, with Eddie face first on the mat. That’s photo worthy.

Eddie manages to escape by flipping his body forward and tossing Benoit with his legs, then hits his own tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Benoit begs off, but Eddie comes forward anyway and Chris tosses him to the outside. Eddie’s rolled in quickly, and reverses a backdrop suplex into a crossbody splash for 2. Eddie pounds at Benoit, but Chris sits down on Eddie with the shoulders down, but Eddie reverses at 2, but can’t score the pin. Benoit threatens a piledriver, but that’s a no-no on this program, so Eddie goes for the much safer brainbuster instead. Chris escapes that, and both guys tackle each other to the floor. Double countout is shockingly called at 6:13. Can’t say I agree with that result, Benoit has the big match on Sunday, it would seem obvious to keep him strong. Usual good stuff from these two, but would you expect anything less? ***

Meanwhile, we’re given more training videos of the NFL guys. The nice thing about Mongo and Greene in training for the last few weeks is that it’s meant neither has been on TV.

KENSUKE SASAKI and MASA HIRO CHONO (with Sonny Onoo) vs. THE NASTY BOYS

Dusty wonders what clout Sonny’s holding to keep around WCW, having clearly forgotten that he’s actually the rightful owner of the company ever since Bobby Heenan sold it to him back in December. Sasaki throws a shoulderblock at Saggs that takes him down, that has Cruise beside himself. “Sasaki took Saggs down? That’s incredible!” Yeah, he’s not a former US Champion as recently as 6 months ago or anything. Though, to be fair, Konnan’s the CURRENT champion and has been for ages, so that division has no credibility anyway. Knobbs beats down Chono, and Sonny tries to regroup the troops. Sasaki takes over with a pretty hard clothesline on Knobbs, and follows with a brainbuster for 2. Chono throws about 10 headbutts quickly, but then accidently superkicks his partner. Saggs gets the hot tag, and clotheslines both members of Team Japan. Powerbomb is given to Chono, but Sonny distracts during the pinfall. Pier 6 erupts, and both teams spill outside – and the referee throws it out at 5:27. What’s with the non-finishes tonight? **

“HARDWORK” BOBBY WALKER vs. TOPP GUNN

Do I really need to tell you that Topp Gunn has just surpassed Gambler for “Jobber of the Day”?

Gunn hits a shoulderblock, because he’s not just a Gunn … he’s TOPP GUNN! I mean look at this beast!

Dusty forces Cruise to play a guessing game on who Gunn is. We cycle through Chris Benoit, Shark, Sting, Clifford, Cody Rhodes (OMG!!!), before finally (correctly?) guessing Larry Zbyszko. Cruise asks if Larry’s lost a little body tone; causing Dusty to scold him for pointing out the Legend’s shortcomings. Walker backdrops Gunn, hits a dropkick, follows with a scoop slam, and hits the Blockbuster for the win at 3:32. Meanwhile, an angry Larry is apparently on the phone for Chris Cruise. Amazing segment. * (And for those genuinely wondering, it was Fidel Sierra)

THE PUBLIC ENEMY (with table) vs. ARN ANDERSON and KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Jimmy Hart) (in the Moo Match of the Week)

Dusty: “When you bring a table out that isn’t set with knives and forks, that’s plundah!” Well said, Dust. Anderson tackles Grunge with a shoulderblock, and yuks it up. Grunge comes at him, but walks right into a spinebuster. Sullivan comes in and throws a dropkick before tying the fat man to the tree of woe. Running knee is thrown at Grunge, but Rock stops a second one with a flying clothesline off the top. Rock tries a springboard moonsault on Anderson, but he’s caught and threatened with a piledriver, but Rocco wiggles loose. Drive By hits Arn, but Sullivan saves, and heads out with Grunge. Sullivan is put on a table, and Rock goes for a splash … but THE NASTY BOYS run in for the save, and Rocco goes through the table. Referee calls for a DQ at 4:52, while everyone brawls. Garbage. 1/2*

Dusty is pretty sure that nobody can beat Giant at this point, and has no faith in Lex Luger this coming Sunday. CALL YOUR CABLE COMPANY NOW!

Saturday Night is all that’s left before the big dance. See you then!

WCW Nitro: June 10, 1996

With mere days to go before the Great American Bash, questions abound! Is Lex Luger psychologically ready to face the Giant one more time after being put through a table? Is Razor Ramon bringing other WWF superstars with him, and if so, is it Giant Gonzalez? Why is Glacier expected to change our world? Who is Rey Misterio Jr.? Why is Kevin Sullivan? Stay tuned!

TONY SCHIAVONE and LARRY ZBYSZKO are all hype for the two jammed packed hours of Nitro! Joe Gomez debuts tonight, teaming with … the Renegade. Way to kill him right out the gate guys. The Giant also faces Scott Norton. Tony recaps the Razor Ramon interruptions, and wonders what the “big surprise” is that’s been promised.

BOOKER T vs. SCOTT STEINER

You’ll notice Stevie Ray and Rick Steiner never really wrestle in singles. Though to you and I, especially with the benefit of 17 years of hindsight, know who the more talented wrestlers are, promoters often miss the boat – and this is one case where the company definitely knew which guys were buttering the tag-team division’s bread. Steiner gets a massive reaction from the fans, so Booker pulls him by the hair and throws him across the ring. Steiner’s not happy about his mullet being used against him, and Scotty tries for a backdrop suplex, but Booker lands on his feet. A belly to belly is countered with an elbow to the face, while Steiner ducks the Harlem sidekick. Scott finally hits a tigerbomb, and the fans pop huge. Atomic drop and clothesline send Booker to the floor, but Scotty’s right behind him with an axehandle off the apron and quickly rolls Booker back in. Booker nails a heel kick right to a charge Steiner’s face, and follows with an axekick for 2. Scott fights to his feet, but Booker rakes the eyes quickly, slams Scott, and heads up for a top rope crossbody getting 2. Booker tries a suplex, but Scott floats over and hits the Scorpion Deathdrop, which the announcers completely miss. Scott backdrops Booker, and sucks the wind and life right out of him with a belly to belly. Frankensteiner is called for, but Booker hooks the ropes and Scott eats nothing but air. Booker flies across the ring with the Harlem Sidekick, but Steiner kicks out at 2! Booker goes for the rarely seen swandive headbutt – but Scott moves and Booker crashes! Scott is quick to his feet with an overhead belly to belly, and scores the pin at 5:54. And thus continues the ridiculously hot run of Scott Steiner, and Booker gets to show off a little of his skills – no complaints! ***1/2

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND catches up with Steiner after the break, while the fans “literally” hang from the rafters! Scott promises there will be a winner against Fire and Ice this weekend, as per the stipulations of their agreed upon match. DEBRA MCMICHAEL interrupts him, and asks to address Gene in regards to Mongo. This is of course Debra’s speaking debut, for those keeping track. Scott agrees that Debra needs the interview time more than he does, “she looks very upset”. Weenie Scott Steiner slays me considering what he ultimately became just two years later. Debra says she’s been unable to sleep, and then fails to properly remember her lines either, so Gene walks her through the interview. Highlight involves praising Anderson and Flair’s skills, calling them “professions”. She doesn’t want to see Mongo hurt permanently. Gene then keeps the comedy coming by stating Flair has “infuriorated” Mongo. Debra asks for a meeting with Flair and Anderson to talk this out before anyone gets hurt. Gene offers up Bobby Heenan for later on tonight. The fans boo the ever loving hell out of Debra.

JIM POWERS vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE

Larry accuses Mongo of being behind Debra’s appearance tonight; and figures he’s chickening out, using his “skirt” as his out. Tony calls Mongo a man’s man. Just like the Shark! Powers gives Page a threatening look, so Dallas mans up and hides between the ropes for safety. As soon as he gets back in, Powers rolls him up for 2, and when Dallas argues that Powers had a handful of tights, Powers rolls him up again. Page complains about hairpulling to an unsympathetic referee, and stomps a mudhole in Powers. Gutwrench gutbuster is a whole lot of guts in one move, but Powers shows his guts by kicking out at 2. Gutsy. Page blind charges the corner, but gets a boot to the face that causes his gum to spew across the ring. 10 straight face shots to the buckle have Page dizzy, and Powers follows with a running high knee and dropkick for 2! Diamond Cutter out of nowhere gets the pin at 4:05. Page still kinda sucks, but he sells his ass off, and the Diamond Cutter is starting to get pops every time out. *1/2

I swear we take more Special Looks at Konan than we spend time watching him actually wrestle. And here’s another!

KONAN gets interview time with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND about his opponent this weekend, the super mysterious South American, El Gato. Konnan cuts his promo in Spanish, because he’s trying to further alienate the Southern US populace. Thankfully, I took a Spanish Course just 3 minutes ago on Google, and loosely translated, Konnan said “El Gato is really Pat Tanaka in a mask, and I beat him on WCW Prime earlier this year. Now WCW wants you, the stupid consumer, to pay money for this. Losers.”

MENG vs. STING

Meng starts with some serious clubberin’, which Larry mis-calls a “battering”. He needs to spend a little time with our main man Dusty, so he can learn that, the “whirly bird”, the “stomp to the belly welly”, and meet “Big Bubber”. Sting comes back with a crossbody for 2. A jumping faceplant drops Meng, but Meng no sells and just small packages Sting. A shoulderbreaker retains control, and Meng calls to the crowd – “HOOOO HAH!” Meng heads up for the flying headbutt, but Sting crotches him and slaps on the Deathlock! Meng taps at 3:10. Blah – these guys could have done so much more. *

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND brings DEBRA MCMICHAEL and COACH HEENAN together. Heenan suggests that Debra spends all night talking to Flair during the week, so wonders what the heck else they could possibly discuss. Heenan leads her back to the locker room, and slams the door in Gene’s face. Screams come immediately, and Debra frantically rushes out with Woman clawing at her. THE RENEGADE and JOE GOMEZ try to intervene – Gomez gets knocked out cold, and Renegade locked in the Figure Four while Anderson stomps at him at the same time.

DAVE TAYLOR (with Jeeves) vs. “HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN

Last week, Taylor interfered in Duggan’s match with Regal, and while it’s shocking that Duggan managed to remember this, he’s allegedly demanded a match with Taylor. Undoubtedly this will be the first step in Dave Taylor’s impending mega-push to the World Title. Duggan calls for the hooooo-train, and engages in combat. Taylor takes a bunch of clotheslines, but you have to imagine he’s just playing possum. Fans chant USA while Taylor, on the floor, really gives it to them by screaming. Duggan stomps around like a special needs baboon, and takes a knee to the face. Taylor misses a springboard crossbody, and Duggan hits the 3 point stance for 2. Taylor cracks Duggan with a right, and goes to the European Uppercut! Oh, it’s ON now Duggan. Taylor dodges a blind charge and points to his head, but Duggan tapes the fist and cracks Taylor for the win at 2:26. What the hell is this garbage, what is the delay in Taylor getting the push he so richly deserves? 1/2*

In the locker room, BIG BUBBER and JIMMY HART are playing with the Shark’s hair in front of an envious “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND. We relive the announcement that Shark is not a fish, but a man! Bubba says that for years, people have been laughing at Shark behind his back – he just gave people a reason to do it to his face.

After the break, Gene has made his way to the staging area to talk with SCOTT NORTON. Gene takes us back to last week’s chokeslam on Norton, and Norton’s fired up. He’s taken the chokeslam twice now, and he’s still standing. He refuses to let the Giant win this war.

SCOTT NORTON vs. THE GIANT (with Jimmy Hart) (for the WCW World Heavyweight title)

The entrances take forever because we get the stupid countdown clock taking us into hour #2, and are welcomed to ERIC “KEN DOLL” BISCHOFF and BOBBY “THE BRAIN” HEENAN. Seems kind of unfair that Norton has to stand in the ring while fireworks are blowing up all around him to celebrate the second hour; completely throwing off his hearing and vision, and a better man would use that as an excuse for their impending loss. Sorry, I truly don’t want to give away the results here, but … ya know. Norton hits a pair of avalanches, but a third gets a boot to the face, and the guys head to the floor. Norton claws at Giant’s face, but charges and runs into the post. Chokeslam is delivered on the concrete, and Giant gets the easy pin at 1:42. Here’s what’s great about the Giant’s push; he is a full blown, evil heel, that is completely unstoppable. They set him up challengers every week that come in fired up, with so much anger you believe maybe just for a second, they have a chance. And just when you think anything’s possible, the life is squashed out of them. It’s opening the door to getting someone over HUGE when it ends, assuming they were building ahead that way, and a reminder why it’s always good to keep your top stars as strong as humanly possible because the big matches in turn will draw more dollars. DUD

LEX LUGER rushes the ring to attack, but Giant swats him away like a mosquito and sends him to the floor. A big foot drops Luger, and Giant clears Flair’s VIP section to chokeslam him through the table again. This time though, Luger grabs the champagne bucket and slams Giant over the head. Giant roars, while THE DUNGEON OF DOOM rush to ringside. Luger bails, and rushes to the safety of Uncle Eric. Generic stuff; Great American Bash, you and me, see you THERE.

Last week, The Nasty Boys appeared on some TV show with Dennis Rodman, and made him an honorary Nasty Boy. Heenan: “Rodman used to look pretty good until he put on that shirt, now he looks like garbage!”

Meanwhile, Kevin Greene was on Jay Leno to promote his upcoming match at Bash at the Beach; where Leno insisted he adopt a nickname, going with “Shallow Grave” Greene.

BILLY KIDMAN vs. “LORD” STEVEN REGAL (with Jeeves)

This is a rematch from Saturday Night, clearly demanded after the hard fought, gruelling 57 seconds in which Regal dominated Kidman like a prison bitch. Kidman smiles to the fans a lot, which is about all I’m expecting to see out of him here. But no, Kidman shocks me with a tornado bulldog – but promptly misses a 450 splash, and gets flattened with an overhead belly to belly, followed by the Lasso from El Paso at 0:57. Impressive, they managed to time this rematch down to the second. STING rushes the ring, and delivers a backhanded slap to Regal as payback from 8 days ago. Regal gets his bearings together and puts up his dukes while favouring his jaw. 1/2*

THE NASTY BOYS vs. PUBLIC ENEMY

No opening bell, because everyone just throws down and brawls from the get-go. I could seriously do without ever seeing any combination of these wrestlers compete again at this stage. Is 5 months not enough to settle whatever the hell they need settling, even though it’s never clearly been established? It’s impossible to follow the action on the tiny split Nitro screens – and I don’t care enough to try and bother. Once order is restored, the Nastys clubber Grunge in the corner. That goes nowhere, so Saggs starts beating up both members of TPE by himself. Saggs drops a leg on Grunge’s pooter, and turns things over to Knobbs. More nonsensical brawling breaks out, and we go to the far camera to try and see everything. Saggs gives Grunge a spike piledriver that looks far too dangerous to be used in his clumbsy hands – and we take a commercial break.

OUR WORLD IS ABOUT TO CHANGE! PREPARE YOURSELF! They’ve now ripped off Mortal Kombat’s music as the backdrop to these promos. I’m glad we’re being given so much warning, because this is undoubtedly going to be the biggest debut in the history of wrestling.

Back to the show, more of the same. This just goes on, and on, and on. At some point in here, Saggs gets a hot tag or something, but this is moving at a snail’s pace so it’s more of a “flat tag”. Nastys clear the ring, and Rocco just stomps off. That leaves Grunge alone to be beat up, but Rocco returns with a garbage can… and immediately gets run over by Knobbs, and drops the weapon. Saggs pumphandle slams Rock, and Knobbs goes to go off the top – but Grunge swings at him with his arm that’s in a cast, misses by 8 feet that Knobbs sells anyway, and Rock gets 2. Back to the split camera, because who likes following this stuff? Actually I don’t, so whatever. Saggs slams Rock with the garbage can on the head, causing a DQ at 9:05. If it wasn’t for the stupid Uncensored Main Event, this might well be the worst match of the year. These guys couldn’t have been any more slug-like, and unmotivated. -****

Bischoff excitedly introduces yet another video package about Hulk Hogan. It’s Hogan video package overkill – PLEASE don’t forget about him!

LEX LUGER and STING vs. RIC FLAIR (with Woman and Elizabeth) and ARN ANDERSON (for the WCW World Tag-Team titles)

Sting and Luger seem like a pretty unfair replacement for Joe Gomez & The Renegade, for both teams. Flair and Anderson have to unfairly step up their game unprepared, just 6 days before a major PPV match, while Sting is doing double duty and has to defend his title. Bischoff apologizes profusely for Joe Gomez not being able to appear tonight, and I’m sure his immediate family appreciates the condolences. Bischoff also discusses Kevin Greene putting his new contract with the Panthers at risk by wrestling; which was a very real prospect. Football teams were less than thrilled at Greene’s newfound offseason hobby, and would eventually force a clause in his contracts stating “no wrestling”. Off the bell, Flair chops at Luger, who no sells and press slams the former champ. Anderson charges to get a shot in, but eats an elbow. Both Horsemen bail, and Flair heads to his VIP section to regroup only to find it was already destroyed earlier by The Giant. With no champagne on hand, Flair is forced to get back in the ring with Luger, who is seriously fired up tonight. He roars at Ric repeatedly, and whips him to the buckle – right into Sting’s awaiting fists, and he knocks him cold. Luger suplexes Ric back into the ring, but misses an elbowdrop and Anderson tags in. Arn rushes, but Luger tags Sting who backs Anderson right back to his corner. Arn misses a blind charge, but stops himself in the corner and points to his head – but of course Sting is standing right there and decks him. Sting faceplants Arn, and press slams Ric. Flair rushes his VIP section again, this time bringing over a chair – but Sting is standing there intimidatingly, and Ric drops it, having no idea what to do. Arn asks for a timeout, and so does Bischoff as we head to commercial.

Returning live, the Horsemen are still being dominated, as Sting hits an inverted atomic drop, sending Anderson sprawling towards Luger who decks him. Flair tags in, and heads up but Sting catches him, as usual. Sting then goes up, hitting a top rope clothesline, but Arn saves at 2. Sting takes Ric to the top, and nails a superplex. Flair, with his bad back, is just writhing at this point, and only has one move left … the poke to the eye! Arn is tagged in, and chokes Stinger in the ropes. Spinebuster is on point, but somehow Sting kicks out. Sting knees Arn in the beans, so he tags out and in comes Flair with the knife edge chops. Flair tries a suplex, but his back goes out from the earlier abuse. Sting rolls him up, but Arn saves – while Heenan screams that he should have DDTed him. Sting packages Flair while the referee is busy telling Luger to stay in his corner – and after about an 8 count, the referee turns around and counts 2. Bischoff calls for a second commercial, while Heenan begs to be allowed at ringside.

Back from the break, Flair’s whipping Sting to the guardrail, and he’s dazed. He gets back in with a sunset flip on Flair, getting 2. Sting and Flair trade pin types, but Arn tags in and slams him. Vaderbomb is blocked with Sting’s knees, and Luger is begging for a tag. Sting gets there, and the fans explode! Luger press slams Flair HARD, and throws some pretty vicious forearm shots at both guys. He sends both guys sprawling with a clothesline, and that draws in THE GIANT now, and the referee throws this out at 13:24. You almost sensed a potential tag-team title change here; so this is an odd run in. **1/2

Giant hits Luger with a big right, and that knocks him cold. SCOTT STEINER rushes the ring with a chair and I’m talking wooden folding chairs that don’t have a lot of give to them. He swings wildly and cracks Giant square in the face – jeeezus! Sting, Luger, and Steiner attack 3 ways, but Giant actually fights them off. JIMMY HART begs him to walk away, while Luger wields the chair. The fans chant “LUGER, LUGER!”, and “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND rushes in. Giant just screams “LUGER, YOU’RE A DEAD MAN!” He encourages him to bring a chair or whatever he wants, but promises he’s leaving on a stretcher.

Heenan throws a tantrum about Savage’s involvement coming up at the Great American Bash. Heenan says he never took a dollar of Flair’s money that was filtered through Liz, and that he doesn’t want to be touched or bothered at ringside. He’s about to continue, but sees something, panics, and runs for the hills.

What he saw was the incoming RAZOR RAMON, and Bischoff’s alone now. “I don’t want any trouble with you, I don’t want any trouble with you here now. But I am going to point out, you came out here last week … where is it? The big surprise? I mean, I’m hearing a lot of talk, but where’s the walk?” Bischoff puffs out his chest now at Razor – missing that freakin’ DIESEL is standing right behind him. Razor encourages him to turn around, and when he doesn’t, a big meaty hand forces him to spin. “You’ve been sitting out here for six months running your mouth. This is where the big boys play huh? Look at the adjective – play. We ain’t here to play. Now he said last week that he was gonna bring somebody out here. I’m here. You still don’t have your 3 people, and you know why? Because nobody wants to face us. This show’s about as interesting as Marge Schott reading exerts from Mein Kampf. Yeah, no trouble cuz you know I’ll kick your teeth down your throat. Where’s your 3 guys? What, you couldn’t get a palaeontologist to get a couple of these fossils cleared? You ain’t got enough guys off a dialysis machine to get a team? Yeah where’s Hogan? Where’s Hogan? Out doing another episode of Blunder in Paradise? Where’s the Macho Man huh? Doing some Slim Jim commercial? Hey, we’re here. You wanna say something?” “Look I don’t have the authority right here right now. The fight isn’t with me. You want 3 guys? Tomorrow morning at 9 o’clock, I’m gonna be in Atlanta. I’m gonna be in the offices of WCW, I’ll try and get you your fight. And you know what? Live this Sunday in Baltimore, at the Great American Bash, you guys want to show up? You want a fight? You show up, I’ll see if I can get you your fight.” Diesel: “Hey I don’t know about you, but they love us in Baltimore.” Razor: “Hey big mang, I say me and you we be at the Bash, maybe these punks wanna fight.” “Bring what you got, the measuring stick just changed around here buddy, and you’re looking at it.” And with that, Nash shoves Bischoff down, who desperately calls to the producers to cut the show off immediately. And again we fade.

You want to sell a pay-per-view? Yeah – that’ll work.