Wednesday, September 17, 2014

WCW Worldwide: September 15, 1996

I hope you weren’t expecting Fall Brawl just yet. There’s still an hour of rock solid storylines to plow through first. For example, Jim Powers, VK Wallstreet, Hugh Morrus, and Maxx are here, and might do something noteworthy. We certainly would not want to miss that.

TONY SCHIAVONE and BOBBY HEENAN welcome us, and are up to date on all the big storylines. They’re absolutely disgusted by the big heel turn against WCW. That’s right, we’re talking The Giant.

JIM POWERS and THE RENEGADE (with Teddy Long) vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Sista Sherri and Colonel Robert Parker) (for the WCW world tag-team titles)

Can I renege on my decision to recap this show? It wasn’t until I started this project in January of last year that I remembered just how much I did NOT miss Stevie Ray. Renegade hits a crossbody on Stevie for 2, and I assume that’s about as close to winning as they’ll get. Stevie tries a Harlem sidekick, but it’s uglier than Sherri in the morning. Booker comes in to clean up this mess, and hits a spinning heel kick on Powers. A scoop slam sets up a missed karate chop, and Renegade gets the tag. Brawl erupts, because that’s the formula. A double powerbomb finishes at 5:21. *

Tony promises the startling footage of Giant turning to the nWo.

VK WALLSTREET vs. ICE TRAIN (with Teddy Long)

NICK PATRICK referees here, in case we are looking for clues of some kind. Wallstreet clotheslines Ice Train, but he comes right back with a big headbutt. Wallstreet misses a charge, and Train finishes with the big splash at 1:36. DUD

GOLDBERG PAT TANAKA vs. REY MYSTERIO JR. (in a non-title match)

Tony calls Super Calo one of Mysterio’s “arch enemies”. Does Rey constantly foul up his attempts at federal crime? What exactly makes them arch enemies? Mike Tenay isn’t here to expand (or at least call Tony out on his BS), so I’m left with my imagination instead. Rey goes for a rana, but Tanaka flattens him with a powerbomb. Pat hulks up, and hits a side kick for 2. Rey comes back and finishes with a West Coast Pop at 2:24. This would be your Pep Boys Power Pin of the Week. In case you are tracking. 1/2*

JOHN TENTA vs. KONNAN

Oh snap Konnan, you done joined the Dungeon of Doom, and now it’s time to face their greatest detractor, who is neither fish nor shark, but all man. Konnan cheats and throws his flannel in Tenta’s face to blind him, and pounds away while screaming “RAZA”. Tenta rams his shoulder into Konnan’s midsection, and then steps on him. Heenan goes nuts, because “that’s his heart! He stepped on the man’s heart!” Tenta drops an elbow, and then a leg. He goes for a one handed pin, but frickin’ Konnan kicks out. He misses an avalanche, but comes right back with a powerslam. Tenta heads to the second rope, but misses a big fall splash, and Konnan finishes with a super senton at 3:07. *

HUGH MORRUS and MAXX (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE NASTY BOYS

Heenan asks the fans: “How do they smell?” as the fans chant “NASTY”. NICK PATRICK is your referee. Maxx wants a test of strength with Saggs, which neither guy seems to win and is a gigantic waste of time. RON THE LEPRECHAUN chases a crew member around the ring, before disappearing into the back. Morrus works over Knobbs in the corner, including an avalanche. A second attempt gets a boot to the mouth, and Knobbs gets 2. A double team avalanche drops Morrus, and an elbow gets 2. Knobbs is sent to the floor, where Maxx posts him head-first. Morrus nails No Laughing Matter, but Saggs saves the day. Morrus goes back again, but this one misses and Saggs gets the tag. 4 straight elbows are delivered to Maxx’s chin, and a powerslam gets 2. Knobbs dumps Morrus to the outside, and a clothesline/chop block combo get the win at 6:05. They have a tag-team title shot tonight on PPV. *1/2


NEXT WEEK: Disco Inferno, Rock n Roll Express, and Arn Anderson! I guess he won’t die in the cage like he promised. Unless this is a red herring, in which case, tune into to Fall Brawl later tonight! 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

WCW Saturday Night: September 14, 1996

Just a day removed from Fall Brawl, there remains questions. Why did Sting turn rogue? Has Lex Luger recovered from his broken heart? What of Glacier? And why is WCW Saturday Night Joined In Progress?

ICE TRAIN (with Teddy Long) vs. THE GAMBLER

Yes, there will be no blueprints showing how to Build Your Own WCW Cyborg this week, this match is already underway, as I’m serenaded by DUSTY RHODES and TONY SCHIAVONE. Gambler taps to an armbreaker at 0:22 of what aired. Seriously, you dare clip my Gambler? That’s grounds alone to defect to the WWF, you miserable bastards.

“HARDWORK” BOBBY WALKER vs. CHRIS BENOIT

Walker ain’t been working hard enough, because I don’t think he’s won a match since about May. You could point to the influx of Cruiserweight talent from Mexico, you could point to an inflated roster, but one thing is crystal clear – it’s probably racism. Tony suggests the way to beat Benoit is to keep him on the ground, and I’m not touching that one. Benoit chokes out Walker, and screams “IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!” If he’d thrown in a “boy”, Sonny Onoo is a much richer man today. Benoit starts the knife edge chops, but Walker reacts with rage. To the ground we go, and a chinlock goes nowhere. Walker hits a sunset flip out of nowhere, but that only serves to make Benoit mad, who stomps him into the ground and lectures him once more. Walker escapes a backdrop suplex, and schoolboys Benoit for 2. Small package gets 2. And now it’s time to sell like the 15th round of Creed vs Balboa, and trade shots trying to get the other man to fall. Of course, we’re like 6 minutes in, but I appreciate the effort. Walker misses a blind charge, and Benoit hot shots him. Crossface finishes at 7:36. CHRIS JERICHO hits the ring, and jumps Benoit. What the bloody hell? Apparently they’ve been booked at Fall Brawl, but that doesn’t explain Jericho’s rage about it. Relax guy. **

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND talks to RANDY SAVAGE about Sting. Savage announces he’s out of his mind, which would effectively make him the last person to find out. He thinks Sting is short sighted considering the nWo won’t even survive past Fall Brawl. Savage promises to destroy the Giant for “a million zillion reasons”. Can he list them? Is there a website we can get the cliff-notes?

GO AWAY HIGH VOLTAGE vs. THE NASTY BOYS

Immediately we go to the split screen which is the universal sign I won’t like this match at all. Kaos winds up in the ring with Knobbs, who is screaming “NASTY” because it makes up the bulk of his wrestling repertoire. Dusty is mid-story about a shotgun, but stops for a second to let out “clubberin’clubberin’clubberin’” and then resumes his story without missing a beat. Knobbs pins Rage with a second rope splash at 2:27. They on the way to the pay windah. 1/2*

The Nastys join “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND in the locker room to talk to the Nastys about their title shot against the Heat tomorrow night. Knobbs issues a warning to Sherri and the Colonel – “IF YOU STICK YOUR NOSE WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG I’LL KNOCK IT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR STINKIN’ FACE.” Actually, that doesn’t do it justice, I should have used 72 point font.

Meanwhile, deep inside the Dungeon of Doom, JIMMY HART and MAXX give the secret password, “The War Continues”. KEVIN SULLIVAN, HUGH MORRUS, and THE FACES OF FEAR go and wake up BIG BUBBER from behind his door. Sullivan says amongst the big factions in WCW, both the Horsemen and nWo have World Champions, something they are lacking. However, they have one now. No, not RON THE LEPRECHAUN who is snarling, but KONNAN who is offered a spot in “the gang”. How the hell did Konnan get there? Did he know the secret password? Was he transported through the rocks in a bolt of lightning? Was the water temperature to his liking? Where is the Yeti? Konnan promises once he’s in, it’s blood in, and blood out. Everyone shares an erotic groan of satisfaction to seal the partnership, while Bubba rubs Braun’s head. THIS ALL HAPPENED, and I’ll be damned that I can’t find a YouTube video to make you believe me.

Let’s turn things over to resident Dungeon of Doom expert Dr. Unlikely:

A masterful move by The Taskmaster, putting together all the pieces and seeing the bigger picture. The Horsemen do nothing to respond to losing The Giant, but The Taskmaster immediately recognizes an ally and signs the Hulk Hogan of Mexico to aid his crusade against The Actual Hulk Hogan of Everywhere But Mexico. It's a shame we didn't actually get to see Sullivan recruit Konnan, but we can assume that's where Konan suddenly got the second n and became Konnan, much like Maxx is Maxx and not just Max. The pieces fit, people!

KURASAWA vs. RICK STEINER

Kurasawa points to the giant red sun on the back of his coat, just in case you weren’t sure he was a foreigner and you are supposed to boo him. I love that Kurasawa continues to kick around directionless long after the rest of Sonny Onoo’s failed nJo retreated last winter. Tony tells us if we’re going to order one pay-per-view this year, to make it this one. The problem is, he’s used that line during the last 6 pay-per-views, so if you’d already used your One Pay-Per-View THEN what are you supposed to do? Kurasawa kindly leaps off the top with his vicious move – the big hug, which allows Steiner to launch him with a belly to belly. A scoop slam sends Kurasawa back up, but he’s caught this time and given an overhead belly to belly superplex. Dangerous looking German suplex is on point, and a clothesline finishes at 5:17. Tony says if he had to pick one person to defend WCW right now, he’d pick Rick Steiner. I’d recommend Tony Schiavone not invite himself to any more booking meetings. *1/2

That leads to a talk with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND. Steiner says he’s 100% behind the WCW boys. Steiner keeps looking up, confusing Gene who does the same. Rick wants the tag-team champions at Halloween Havoc, and barks.

JOE GOMEZ vs. SCOTT NORTON

I feel like we’ve spent more time building up Norton vs. Ice Train over the last month than we’ve spent on even nWo vs. WCW. Would it have killed them to even mention Benoit vs. Jericho prior to tonight? Or were they saving Benoit just in case Sting or Luger turned in favor of the nWo and Team WCW would need a sub. Wait, that DID happen. Gomez taps out to the cross armbreaker at 1:15, which appeared to be on the up and up despite the match being refereed by one NICK PATRICK.

Off to the back where “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND waits. Norton says Train gave up last month, begging for his life. He’ll do the same tomorrow, not just to Train but to Teddy Long too. What the heck did he do?

A segment building up the Horsemen shows highlights of a quality 1996 run, including them working over both Ricky Morton and his unrelated twin Todd Morton.

Footage from Monday’s limousine is re-watched, with subtitles, proving there was another voice inside the car on top of Sting, so we’re looking at at LEAST one more nWo member.

RIC FLAIR, ARN ANDERSON, and LEX LUGER hang out with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND. Luger is shocked. He started as a Horsemen, and while he has no desire to ever become one again, he’ll be one tomorrow night. He can’t wait to get his hands on Sting, and he won’t like the side of Lex Luger he’s going to see. Arn says he often brings his son to the shows to show off, but he’s leaving his kid at home tomorrow because he might not even come home after it’s over. Flair reminds Hogan they’re not on the set of Thunder In Paradise where Hogan has full creative control (oh boy), and he promises to put him in the hospital. That’s assuming he doesn’t kill him, which he threatens to do repeatedly.

UP CLOSE WITH THE BOOTY MAN: Wait, this is happening? Booty remembers as a kid where Hogan made him cut his hand and become blood brothers 4 life. When his mom had cancer, her last words were “Eddie my Eddie my son”. That was the hardest time of his life, but Hogan was there. He had a restaurant and his wife ran off with one of the waiters. Then he had a freak accident that nearly destroyed his face. In the hospital, Hogan held his hand and told him “don’t give up brother, we love you man”. But now, it’s all over, because it’s all business. Pencil this in as your Starrcade main event. HOGAN vs. BEEFCAKE II – JUST BUSINESS.

RON STUDD vs. LEX LUGER

Before I descend into some tangent topic of how much I’d love to see Ron Studd square off against the Super Giant Ninja, apparently we have a disturbance in the back.

THE GIANT, THE OUTSIDERS, and TED DIBIASE are looking for Luger’s car. Thankfully, a helpful stagehand points them in the right direction, while Nash breaks in to confirming it (Hall: “There’s protein shakes in there, it’s his.”) Giant smashes all the windows, and then nearly slips on the trunk which would have been either the most tragic fall in wrestling history, or funniest.

Luger, of course has no clue, because he’s mid-match with the awkward Studd. Luger can’t slam him because he’s far too big, but somehow he’s able to Rack him at 2:26. My kingdom for a quality match. DUD

THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE NEW WORLD ORDER

This is filmed from inside of an nWo cage. More demands from the nWo. DiBiase demands Flair’s limo, but asks how nice it is. Hogan: “It’s junk.” DiBiase: “We DON’T want your limo!” Nash starts a take for the Nick Patrick fan club. Hall shakes his head in disgust at WCW blaming their losses on a poor referee. Hall’s demand? McMichael’s dog Pepe. “I’ll squash him like a cock-a-roach.”

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. “HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN

NICK PATRICK has been assigned to our main event, interesting considering continued nWo threat DDP is present. However, before we do this…

Here’s a special look at another nWo suspect, GLACIER, who debuted last week. And what do we see? Roughly 3 seconds of him posing. Honestly, the entire Glacier thing feels like the world’s biggest troll move.

We start the match, and Duggan demands Patrick search him for fist tape. He finds a roll, to no surprise. That’s followed by an order of No Clenched Fists in this match. The announcers whine about Patrick here, because he’s preventing Duggan from cheating his ass off as usual. Keep up that line of consistency, WCW. Duggan goes to clock Page, but Patrick rushes in to remind him again, No Clenched Fists. Dealing with Duggan is like dealing with a 3 year old, it takes a lot of repetition. Page gets in his face, so Duggan goes to punch him again, and now for the third time Patrick has to warn him. Just DQ the idiot, he clearly doesn’t get it. Patrick goes to check the time keeper, while Page starts cheating. The fans try to rat him out, but Page plays it cool, shouting “SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS”. Page pulls the hair, which Duggan complains about, so Page roll him up with a handful of tights but only gets 2. Back to the hair, which Patrick misses, so Duggan punches him in the face and gets DQed at 3:31. I actually kind of enjoyed this. *1/2

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND talks to DDP as we close the show. Page complains that Duggan knocked his tooth out, and wants to welcome Honest Referee, Nick Patrick. Page says he doesn’t bend the rules, and is thrilled that Patrick doesn’t either. Gene accuses Patrick of tightening up the rules. He says he has to, because he’s been accused of being biased, so he’s not letting anything go. He says he warned Duggan repeatedly about the closed fist, and even found a foreign object. Gene brings up the $23,000 custom made Rolex again, because he’s an asshole.


Final sell for the pay-per-view tomorrow, includes shots of last year’s Wargames with main eventers Kamala, Zodiac, Kevin Sullivan, and Shark Man. This year’s edition isn’t quite packing the same star power punch as 1995, but hopefully the in-ring will make up for it.

Monday, September 15, 2014

WCW Prime: September 9, 1996

As the nWo continues to expand like Joey Chestnut’s stomach on the 4th of July, at least there is consistency in our lives. Knowing that Johnny B Badd, who is weeks away from winning the WWF Intercontinental Title, is still able to blow me a kiss every week during the opening of WCW Prime is enough to keep my heart a flutter and maintain a steady pace of churning out the recaps.

Oh WCW Prime – what will I do when you meet your untimely demise next month? Where will the jobberist jobbers go? What of Todd Morton, The Gambler, and Buddy Valentine? Will we ever find out the final chapter of Super Giant Ninja? Will fans be allowed to bid on eBay for the chance to push the plunger that detonates Chris Cruise, or is that not happening because eBay is still in its infancy and we haven’t truly embraced it yet?

So many questions. So many squashes.

CHRIS CRUISE and DUSTY RHODES have taken the happy pills, because they can’t scream about Fall Brawl loud enough! Dusty talks about the Giant having a tongue the length of the Nile, which I don’t understand, but we’ll add to the chalkboard as another reason I’ll miss this show.

CHAVO GUERRERO JR. vs. BILLY KIDMAN

What the heck is this semi-competitive nonsense doing on my show? I realize Vegas has Chavo listed as a 17-1 favorite, but that’s simply far too close for this show. They have a test of strength because nothing smells like Cruiserweights more than watching guys with arms like Gumby try and prove which one is more man than the other. Kidman hits a dropkick, and then ducks a blind charge which sends Chavo crashing to the floor. Kidman quickly rolls him in, hits a slingshot guillotine, but it’s only 2. Kidman laughable tries a pin off a scoop slam because apparently he thinks it’s 1917, and then moves to an armbar. Kidman nails a victory roll, but Chavo wriggles loose. Chavo then gets one of his own out of nowhere, and scores the pin at 5:42. If it’s taking 6 minutes AND a fluke finish to beat Kidman, Chavo hasn’t got a hope in hell at Fall Brawl against DDP. **

I usually ignore the commercials, but the GNC Pro Performance 2200 is one of the least responsible things I’ve seen that aired during My Era. We all know about the cigarette ads and sexist commercials from the 50’s and 60’s, but let me take you through this (since I can’t find it on YouTube). Some scrawny pimply faced teenager is unable to get girls, because all he dines on is fast food chalk full of fat and cholesterol. The answer? GNC Pro Performance 2200, with 2200 calories per glass. Not only is it chalked full of creatine and vitamins, but you’ll grow to be about 6’6” with hulking muscles and a beautiful head of hair. It boggles my mind that this stuff was green-lit when we all should have known better, but then again we’re talking about a time when Brady Anderson hit 50 home runs and it all made sense.

RON THE LEPRECHAUN vs. CHAD BROCK

Braun is all over the bloody place, with absolutely no ebb or flow because he’s CRAZY you see. He sadly doesn’t resort to cannibalism during the match, and even works in a semi tree-of-woe submission thing. A top rope kneedrop gets the win at 1:40. THEN he resorts to cannibalism, and eats Chad Brock. He even gets a chunk out of NICK PATRICK, who isn’t sporting a mustache, so either he shaved or this has been sitting in the can since August. Of 1994. DUD

DISCO INFERNO vs. JOHNNY BOONE

DAVE PENZER is a good sport and shows off the gold record to everyone in attendance. Yes, all 6 fans get a good strong look. Had their paid for the premium package, they would have been able to touch it, AND get their ticket stubs signed by the legendary RANDY ELLER (who is also our referee!). Disco hotshots future referee Boone, and stops to dance. He points out his hair hasn’t moved an inch, always important. Chartbuster finishes at 3:04. A lot of Disco’s initial charm has worn off at this point, largely because he hasn’t had an angle since, what, stealing the Colonel’s champagne in February? DUD

“HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN vs. STEVE STORM

Dusty talks about the importance of Sting’s role on Team WCW, proving he does not watching Nitro, or talk to anyone who isn’t interested in discussing Dusty Rhodes. It’s the usual 80’s cartoon from Duggan here, with plenty of exaggerated stomping and screaming of USA. Duggan missed a blind charge and slams his face against the buckle, but with no brain cells to damage, he is right back on his feet and throwing headbutts. 3 point stance finishes at 2:59. Duggan then wraps his fist and clocks Strong for the hell of it. Unbelievably this is one of the best matches of the night. 1/2*

THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE NASTY BOYS (in the Prime Cuts Moo Match of the Week)

There is a PILE of time left in this show, and I’m really concerned it’s going to be for naught since I can’t see either one of these teams jobbing on a WCW J-show. Dusty’s looking for clubberin’ here, and I think he just might be rewarded. Lo and behold, Meng and Knobbs let the fists fly at a rapid pace, but Dusty declares it’s not clubberin’ because all 4 fists were hitting opposite heads. The Nastys then show off a little Super Clubberin, by teeing off on Meng’s cranium. He no sells, which I will forever love him for. Saggs attacks the groin, which might be the only way to get any kind of reaction for Meng, and he’s obviously in pain because he stares blankly and stands right up. Hart gets the guys to regroup, giving clear (and racist) instructions of, and I quote, “Ooka manga! Ooka managa!” The Barbarian goes in to get him some, and get him some he does, on the receiving end of a clothesline/chop block combo. Knobbs hits a big splash, and starts working on Barbarian’s leg. I assume a smart wrestler would be trying to neutralize the Kick of Fear, but we’re talking about someone who’s trying to make hay against a team that hangs out with RON THE LEPRECHAUN who is running around ringside again. If Dusty Rhodes were able to achieve orgasm (let’s all assume he can’t for the sake of our collective imaginations), this match would undoubtedly be on his favorites list as required viewing. Meng starts paintbrushing Saggs’ face, but with a little more oomph than your usual insult, and he hits a spike piledriver for 2. Saggs is sent face first into the ringpost, and left for dead. The Fear hit a double headbutt, Meng hits a scoop slam, but he misses an elbowdrop and he makes the big tag to Knobbs. Slams for you, slams for me, slams for Meng, and family. Duelling avalanche splashes hit Meng, but Hart makes noise and Knobbs attachs. Meng dumps him, and it’s an over the top rope DQ at 9:39. The Faces of Fear hit the double swandive headbutt off the top on Saggs because they’re pricks, and I’m now at a point where I don’t want to see these guys job another match until roughly 2014. **


Cruise makes a final pitch to buy Fall Brawl, and he might be the only person in the company who makes me NOT want to see the show after the absolutely flawless build-up to WarGames. Dusty declares Bah Humbug on the nWo, and we is out.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

WCW Nitro: September 9, 1996

Get your excitement in check because WCW Nitro is fired up and ready to go. For the first time since I started these recaps, you can also watch with me if you’re subscribed to the WWE Network (just $9.99 per month!). That link will take you directly to the episode of Nitro I’m reviewing, but I have no idea if the content will be exactly what I see, because I’ll be working off the old VHS-transferred-to-digital-copy that I own. If you choose to check out the Network, spot the differences for me would ya?

Live again from an undisclosed location, TONY SCHIAVONE and LARRY ZBYSZKO welcome us to the show. I don’t mean to alarm you, but in less than one week, there’s a pay-per-view. New World Odor belches its way out of Larry’s gut within minutes.

GOLDBERG PAT TANAKA vs. SUPER CALO

Calo has a Cruiserweight title shot at Fall Brawl, which would pretty much be his peak in WCW over the next 3 years. Whoops, there I go spoiling stuff again. MIKE TENAY comes bolting out of the dark corner he lurks in to join the announce booth at the mere whiff of a luchador. Tanaka drops Calo with a side kick, but Calo comes back with a pair of triple jump crossbody blocks. Tanaka rolls to the floor, and tope con hilo is on point! Do you care? WCW doesn’t, because …

In the back, some YOUNG FOLKS wearing nWo shirts are mulling around. The announcers claim this is outside the arena, but I wouldn’t bet against it being Any High School Anywhere.

In the ring Tanaka blocks a rana with a harsh powerbomb, yikes! They fight on to the top rope, where they sort of awkwardly fall forward together. Calo appears to be dropped on his head, but for some reason this leads to Tanaka getting pinned at 2:27. 1/2*

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND has found RICK STEINER, but no audio. Thankfully, it turns up, and so does LEX LUGER. Rick says he beat Luger last week, and he can do it again. Luger says he’s on top of his game. Rick continues to howl that he can beat Luger. Gene: “Rick Steiner doesn’t have it all upstairs.” That’s an understatement.

THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE NWO

First nWo t-shirt commercial. Just $20 + $5.95 shipping. Nash: “All proceeds go to the Ric Flair retirement fund.” HAH!

Here’s some footage from WCW Pro, where the alleged Glacier finally debuted. But, quite frankly, I recap lots of WCW shows, and if I never saw it, it never happened. And instead of seeing any actual wrestling, we see him standing around in a blue snowy mist, flexing a lot. He’s part of the Dungeon of Doom, right?

THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIANS vs. THE NASTY BOYS

Oh dear god, we’re into the French Canadians era of Nitro. Tony correctly notes this is their debut. Jacques Rougeau grabs the stick, and insists that the fans show respect as he sings the National Anthem. Just to twist it a little more, they do it in French to some serious heat.

In the crowd, the YOUNG FOLKS are passing out nWo flyers.

Meanwhile, Rougeau nails Saggs with a flagpole, and then he backdrops Ouellet over the top towards Saggs, but before I get to see what happens …

Larry is accepting a flyer to find out what’s written on it. It says “you haven’t seen bad … but it’s coming.”

In the ring, Rougeau backdrops Ouellet as a mid-ring senton, but it only gets 2. Rougeau slams him onto Saggs, but it’s not enough. They do a super assisted top rope senton, and hit a second one, but the morons take their time going for a pin and Knobbs is able to save. Knobbs steals the Quebec flag, hits Carl in the back of the head, and Saggs steals the pin at 3:27. **

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND hits the ring to talk to the Nastys. Gene hilariously refers to the Canadians the “Rougeau Brothers”. Knobbs announces his allegiance to WCW, and wants the straps.

SCOTT NORTON vs. SGT CRAIG PITTMAN (with Teddy Long)

NICK PATRICK is your referee, which Sting and Luger are apparently okay with because they’re not running around trying to kill him. Tony is VERY excited because Pittman and Norton have the same finishing move, the armbar, so he figures this will absolutely determine which is better. Norton has at least one week’s experience with it, since he has that Very Important Submission Match against Ice Train at Fall Brawl, so it should come as no surprise that he wins with it at 3:02, after ICE TRAIN who has appeared at ringside throws in the towel. Yes, Craig Pittman isn’t allowed to tap out because lord knows he MUST be protected so he can continue to stink up the Saturday Night and Worldwide status quo. DUD

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND is hanging out with ARN ANDERSON, LEX LUGER, and RIC FLAIR. Flair demands to know where on earth Sting is, considering they have a match together on Sunday. Luger says Sting’s there somewhere, because “Steiner” saw him earlier. Well, if “Steiner” saw him, he MUST be there. MONGO MCMICHAEL comes shouting onto the scene wondering where Sting is. CHRIS BENOIT questions Luger some more, but he swears if we can count on ANYONE, it’s him.

JOE GOMEZ vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA

Once again, NICK PATRICK is your referee. Juvi has a title shot this Sunday against Konnan for the Mexican Heavyweight Vanity Belt, so a warmup here against Gomez seems apropos because he’s also Mexican and thus is like wrestling the same person. Juvi tries a 360 dropkick off the springboard, but whiffs. Thankfully, Gomez is a pro and sells it anyway. Juvi then blows a springboard rana that is supposed to drag Gomez over the top and back in, so Gomez is forced to jump over the ropes to sell it, and the fans have had just about enough of this and turn solidly against Juvi. He opts not to hit a super Franksteiner, and finshes with a hiro con plancha that’s sloppy as all hell at 2:20. I really love me some Juice, but if he was nervous here, it was written all over his ring-work. DUD

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND grabs Nick Patrick on his way to the back, and asks to talk about the DQ from last week’s show. Patrick shows that Luger clearly struck him, and says it’s a disqualification by the book, anywhere in the country. Patrick asks why Luger isn’t suspended for chasing him out of the building last week, because anyone else would be for threatening to assault a referee. Patrick reminds Gene that the only reason people suspect him for being a traitor is because of him. He promises to keep enforcing the rules to the letter of the law, and continue to do his job. Gene says he didn’t “get off the turnip truck”, he knows that Patrick has a new $23,000 rolex. Patrick calls him “Mr. Mercedes Benz” in return, and tells him if he doesn’t stop with the wild accusations, he’ll take him to court. That actually works, as Gene nervously ends the interview. Brilliant. Everything with Nick Patrick has been done to perfection so far.

Meanwhile, in the very rainy parking lot, THE NWO are putting their flyers all over the cars for the fans in attendance. TED DIBIASE is talking to someone inside a nearby limousine.

LEX LUGER vs. RICK STEINER

WCW has wisely assigned PEE WEE ANDERSON to this match, so shenanigans should be kept to a minimum, in theory. Larry angrily asks where the hell Sting is, when it’s clear that the nWo has leadership and WCW needs someone to step up. Gosh these guys are paranoid! (Okay, perhaps rightly so.) Tony mentions that nWo shirts are now on sale in the merchandise stands, because they have strong financial backing that’s arranged it via DiBiase. However, that’s all she wrote for Fat Tony, because it’s HOUR #2!

Welcome aboard ERIC BISCHOFF, “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN, and MIKE TENAY. Rick gives Luger a nasty hard powerslam, but only gets 2. An overhead belly to belly gets a loud reaction, but Steiner can’t get the pin. Both guys knock each other out, but Luger recovers faster and powerslams Rick. He calls for the Rack, but for some reason NICK PATRICK hits ringside and calls Luger to the back, screaming “OUT BACK!” Luger rushes back, and is counted out at 7:02.

From inside the limo, Sting’s voice is screaming at TED DIBIASE. Luger comes over, and gets in DiBiase’s face asking where his buddy is. DiBiase plays innocent, but out from the limo pops STING, and he beats Luger right down!! The rest of THE NWO rush over, and join in. They scatter, and Luger recovers enough to beat up THE CHAFFEUR. Otherwise, he’s left standing in the parking lot, a cold, wet mess, with a broken heart. Sting turning??? If you thought the Giant’s turn made no sense, this one is a thousand times worse.

Except I’m totally cool with it, with the benefit of spoilers and hindsight and all that jazz.

After a long recap of the last few weeks, we head back into the rain, where Luger is tearing apart the limos. BRIAN KNOBBS and RICK STEINER, dressed in their full garb are walking around with umbrellas, are also looking for Sting which is just amazing to see. THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIANS and SCOTT NORTON also join the search. Tenay reminds us that the lack of leadership has been the problem with WCW from the get-go, and with Sting’s defection, WCW’s in a lot of trouble.

BILLY KIDMAN vs. REY MYSTERIO JR. (for the WCW world cruiserweight title)

Tenay figures that this is far too soon for Kidman who’s only 21 years old, but given time, he will be a critical piece of the Cruiserweight division. What’s up, Nostradamus? Rey makes him look like a chump early, with a series of ranas both in and out of the ring. However, Kidman blocks the West Coast Pop with a dropkick, and follows with a top rope splash for 2. Rey quickly takes back control with a ridiculous springboard senton for the pin at 1:42. Rey is ridiculously amazing at this point, and makes the modern day Rey look like a slug. 1/2*

THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE PUBLIC ENEMY

TPE has been back in the fold for nearly a year, and it has yet to be determined whether or not they are heels or faces. I’m all for shades of grey and what-not, but Jesus guys, pick a side! NICK PATRICK referees this one, and he’d better get his working boots on because the Fear are all over Public Enemy. Grunge takes Meng to the floor and awkwardly whips him into the guardrail, which isn’t sold at all. Meng fires back with a headbutt, and sends Grunge into the guardrail. Meanwhile, on the split screen, Rocco tries a moonsault, but he’s given a Bossman slam by the Barbarian. In case there wasn’t enough going on, RON THE LEPRECHAUN shows up and starts chasing Hart around for awhile, before returning to the back. And speaking of things in the back …

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND wants a word with the FOUR HORSEMEN and LEX LUGER. Gene says his emotions are running high, and he can feel it in the room too. Arn isn’t disturbed that Luger lost a friend, and he couldn’t care about losing a teammate, but he can’t believe that Sting, the constant in WCW for 10 years, turned his back on the company. For the first time in his life, he’s speechless. Gene demands to know if everyone’s selling out these days? Luger says his best friend stabbed him in the back, and he vows to stalk Sting everywhere he goes. He knows where he lives, where he works out, and he’ll be there. Flair promises the confusion is over, they’re going to Wargames with or without Sting. Arn promises to fight to the death.

Meanwhile, there’s a match still happening, and Meng is giving the spike piledriver to Rocco. He turns to Grunge for god knows what reason, and HE’S CLUBBERIN’ TONY! The Fear double team Rocco with headbutts, but Patrick misses the pinfall opportunity because he’s busy with Grunge. Meng works a headlock, before releasing and kneeing Rock in the stomach. He misses an avalanche, but makes the tag out to Barbarian quickly. Still, Rocco makes his corner, and Grunge starts the house o fire routine. That doesn’t last, because it’s the Faces of Fear for god sakes. Rocco hits a double bulldog, and matters break down fast between them as they pair off. Barbarian slams Rock’s head into the ringpost, and puts him on the table. Barbarian heads up while Jimmy holds Rocco’s legs, but he still manages to move and Barbarian comes CRASHING through from the top rope right to the concrete! Insane, I would have never imagined that from Barbarian. In the ring, Grunge hits a swinging neckbreaker on Meng, and Grunge brings in a table to the middle of the ring. Meng is placed on top, and Rocco hits the moonsault on Meng. Meng doesn’t even sell THAT because he’s Meng and fuck you. Tongan Death Grip is applied, and Rocco taps at 10:44. The Fear have been amazing for months now, and it looks like a push might be on the way. **1/2

KEVIN SULLIVAN, HUGH MORRUS, MAXX, BIG BUBBA, and KONNAN(?!?) come down to join the victors, and “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND is never far behind. Jimmy says he’s tired of being accused of creating the mess with the Giant. Hart says the minute he jumped was the beginning of the end of the Giant. Bubba turns his attention to Glacier, and demands that he “come get a bit of this”. Konnan tries to be super street and Latin, by praising Kevin Sullivan and hating on the nWo “Paid For” ads. He challenges them to come to the ring right now and fight him. Errrr, I’m thinking they’d probably be totally cool with that. Sullivan warns the Giant to watch his back, and knows he can’t trust anyone anymore after Sting’s turn (while eyeballing Okerlund accusingly).

THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE NEW WORLD ORDER

Hogan introduced DiBiase as the boss, because he’s got more money than Ted Turner. They’ve got the cash, they’ve got the belt, and WCW is next. They brag that nobody saw #5 coming (fair). They laugh about the face WCW doesn’t even know who they’re gonna face in the cage at Wargames. DiBiase figures they need to start making demands. They want their own segment on the show, and their shot at the tag-team titles.

Uh oh.

JOHN TENTA vs. RANDY SAVAGE

I’m not sure we’ve seen Tenta since Bash at the Beach, but he’s got some serious follicle problems because not a centimetre of hair has returned from the part Bubba shaved off. Savage looks quite slim (Jim) and ripped here. Tenta attacks as soon as Savage slides into the ring, but Savage doesn’t put up with that and goes for a slam. Of course, Tenta is fat, so he falls on top and gets 2. Savage takes a dropkick and Savage rolls to the floor, while Bischoff yammers on about the WWF, because putting on a superior product isn’t enough for him. A chair drops Tenta, and Savage follows with a pair of Elbows. TEDDY LONG rushes down begging Savage to join him in the back for some reason, screaming “THEY’RE BACK”. He’s counted out presumably.

Savage is joined by THE FOUR HORSEMEN, RICK STEINER, and THE DUNGEON OF DOOM. One limo immediately takes off, but a second one is nearby and unattended. They check out the limo, but find nothing more than a can of spray paint. Savage demands the boys spray WCW all over the limo. BOY YOU SURE SHOWED THEM, WCW!

The announcers chat things up. Heenan gives a spirited rant, insisting WCW stop worrying what the nWo has – and start concentrating on their deep roster, and just work together. ARN ANDERSON rushes the booth to tell the world that nobody’s hotter than the Horsemen right now. The rest of the FOUR HORSEMEN arrived, and Heenan has to be Heenan by immediately taking the time to shake their hands, a nice character touch. Anderson reminds Sting that by joining the nWo, he’s trying to be a Faux Horsemen. Flair steals a headset and cuts off Bischoff, asking if the nWo is ready to bleed, sweat, and pay the price. He vows Hogan won’t leave Winston-Salem alive. Bischoff says WCW made a huge mistake bringing Hogan to the company, and promises to put his faith in the Horsemen going forward, as he signs off.


Is he being honest? We’ll probably find out more on WCW Saturday Night. But before we get there, the bizarro world of WCW Prime MUST be checked out, which we’ll do next. See you then.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

WCW Worldwide: September 8, 1996

I don’t mean to tickle your fancy any harder than I usually do, but we have some big news. Both members of Rough AND Ready are going to be here, AND the Disco Inferno! WCW truly is where the big boys play! Oh, Konnan too, but don’t let that deter you.

TONY SCHIAVONE and BOBBY HEENAN welcome us to the Worldwide Arena, in front of a capacity crowd (yes, all 25 of them!).

ROUGH AND READY vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Sista Sherri and Colonel Robert Parker) (for the WCW world tag-team titles)

Harlem Heat looks to extend their record with their 1039401457th title defense here. There is literally nothing left for them to do that I haven’t seen them do 500 times over the last month. Especially in the case of Stevie Ray, who throws punches and has already run through his entire move-set. Dirty Dick goes for a schoolboy, but Stevie can’t even do that properly. Zach Gowen had better mobility than this guy. Thankfully Booker is tagged in, but he’s just around to play Ricky Morton, so conditions fail to improve. Enos works him over, using dirty heel tactics like the forearm strike, and the chinlock. Booker comes back with a flying Jalapeno, and flattens Enos with the Harlem sidekick (“JUMPWHEEL KICK!” squeals Tony), and all hell breaks loose. Stevie winds up being a hindrance by inadvertently distracting the referee, while Booker takes the wrong end of a spike piledriver. However, this aired in 1996, and not 2014, so it only gets 2. Today, Booker would have been down for a 100 count, at bare minimum. Enos misses a headbutt, but Booker gets nothing going. A swinging neckbreaker brings in Stevie Ray. All 4 men brawl, and the Colonel gets involved now. Slater decks him, but Sherri steals the cane and wallops old Dick, and Booker steals the pin at 7:34. This felt more like 2 hours. *1/2

DISCO INFERNO vs. KONNAN

Disco has his gold record, which he received for … dancing I guess. Disco suggests that Konnan grow out a pompadour, and Konnan responds with violence. I’d hate to imagine what response his wife got when she straightens his tie. Disco pulls out his back trying a scoop slam, and Konnan hits rolling thunder clotheslines. Disco comes back with a swinging neckbreaker, but his arm is hurting now. What a trooper, battling through all these injuries. Konnan hits the X-Factor, follows with a sitting dropkick, and applies the Tequila Sunrise for the submission at 2:56. *

HUGH MORRUS (with Jimmy Hart and Maxx) vs. LEROY HOWARD

This is a rematch from Prime. Wait, reader It’s False wants to weigh in on Morrus:

Another one of those Little Things that I've come to really appreciate through these recaps. You can see the pattern of Hugh Morrus becoming the cocky jerk that would refuse to pin his prey and he'd pretty much dare anyone to do something about it. I heard that someone would do just that a year later. Some guy named Bill something-or-other.

Well, Leroy is no Bill Payne (that’s who you meant?) – and with the extra muscle courtesy of Maxx, this match goes no better for Moe Howard’s brother from another mother. NICK PATRICK turns a blind eye to the mass levels of interference – could he possibly have taken a payoff from The Master? We haven’t seen the Master since late 1995, I wouldn’t write it off just yet. Anyway, Morrus wins with No Laughing Matter at 2:41, much to the surprise of Leroy’s mom. 1/2*

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. PRINCE IAUKEA

Prince tries to intimidate Page with a series of karate-like poses. Unfortunately, you typically need to follow up with some sort of strike, or well, something, and Page wastes no time in taking him to school. Iaukea manages to sneak in a headscissors submission hold, but Page immediately reaches the ropes. Snapmare (why not hit the Cutter?) takes Iaukea over, and Page stops to tell the fans they are monkeys. A tilt-a-whirl gutbuster leaves Iaukea without wind, but he’s able to come back with a couple of dropkicks. Iaukea goes up, hits the missile dropkick, but Page kicks out. Then the Diamond Cutter connects, and Page wins at 2:33. *

THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. CHRIS BENOIT and ARN ANDERSON

Now this is a quality Worldwide main event, did they confuse this with WCW Saturday Night? I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth anymore than I’d attempt to enter a domestic partnership with Benoit, so let’s make some magic. Barbarian takes out Arn early with his power, so Benoit attacks but Barbarian clotheslines him too. The Horsemen try to regroup, while Barbarian hulks up all over the ring. Benoit and Meng square off now. Meng misses a blind charge, and Benoit lays in some SERIOUS chops with extra meat, and Meng just stands there growling louder and louder. Holy hell man! Meng powerslams Benoit, but misses a leaping headbutt and Benoit gives him a German. Arn and Benoit double team Meng in the corner, who doesn’t even react. Heenan: “You can wear your shoes out on Meng, he doesn’t care.” Benoit and Meng trade knife edges in the middle of the ring, before Meng just walks away and tags in Barbarian. They double headbutt Chris, and Barbarian goes for snake eyes. Benoit slips off the back, and the Horsemen work him over in the corner. Arn uses his knee to attempt to weaken Barbarian’s hamstrings. Barbarian still finds a way to tag in Meng, and he beats the piss out of the back of Arn’s head. Headbutt leaves Arn seeing stars, but he punches Meng in the inner thigh over and over. He heads to the floor, and in the 2.3 seconds before Barbarian rushes over, he’s able to wrap Meng’s leg around the post. Benoit comes in with chops, but Meng just comes firing out of the corner with savage punches and jungle screams. Barbarian hits a standing sidekick, and applies a chinlock. Benoit powers loose and hits a Northern lights, but Barbarian holds his leg and tags in Meng. A spike piledriver connects, and the Fear heads up for the flying headbutts. The move connects, but Arn saves Chris from the pin. Things break down, and Benoit hits a German on Barbarian. He goes up to finish, but Meng crotches him. Barbarian hits an overhead superplex, but the referee is busy with Meng, and Arn hits the DDT on Barbarian! He drags Chris on top, and the Horsemen BARELY win at 9:23. This is the best Worldwide match I have ever seen. ***1/2

Tony takes a second to hype next week. I really don’t want to spoil it for you, but I’m going to. Yes, Jim Powers AND the Renegade will be here. You can’t contain excitement like this. WCW Worldwide!!!


Some silly show named Nitro is up tomorrow.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

WCW Saturday Night: September 7, 1996

So last time we left off, I was fairly critical of The Giant’s idiotic turn to the nWo. A retrospective look at what occurred was shared with me from the Wrestling Observer, courtesy Justin Shapiro:

After the original plan to debut Davey Boy Smith as the new member of the New World Order fell through, WCW instead turned The Giant.

The Giant turn was WCW's last minute panic move since it had promised to introduce two new members of the NWO on the 9/2 television show. The other new member in the original plan, Sean Waltman, was also not introduced on the show, apparently because he's also being held up as a pawn in the legal battle between the two companies. The latest word we've heard is to play it safe and to avoid giving WWF more ammunition in its lawsuit against WCW, that WCW at least as of our last word wasn't going to use Waltman for nine months, until his WWF contract expires. There were hints at the end of the show of more NWO members being introduced, and one is believed to be Jeff Jarrett, whose WWF contract expires on 10/4.

The last minute turn changes already scripted plans in regard to house shows and upcoming PPV events. Giant was scheduled to wrestle Kevin Nash at Halloween Havoc on 10/27 in Las Vegas and obviously that will have to be changed. The other matches on the original plans for Halloween Havoc, besides the Hogan vs. Savage WCW title match, were Flair vs. Hall for the U.S. title, Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Dean Malenko in a two of three fall match for the cruiserweight title, and Ultimo Dragon vs. Jushin Liger for all eight national and world titles since Dragon is slated to win the eight belts on 10/11 in Osaka.

The plan to make the Horseman look like jobbers wasn't the original angle, but a revised angle came up with by Hogan which has caused at least a few of the wrestlers to complain once again Hogan is booking for his own ego rather than for business. The original plan was to create a situation where the Horsemen would be involved in a scenario where they would jump and run off Hall and Nash, and about that time Hogan would arrive and be by himself. As he was being beaten on, then the Giant would come out for the finishing touches on Hogan, but instead Giant would choke slam all the Horsemen. However, Hogan refused that scenario and came up with the one that was used.

They are back in the syndrome of Kevin Sullivan, Arn Anderson and Jimmy Hart putting together all the television shows, and then Hogan shows up on Monday and re-does everything. Right now nobody can complain about it because ratings are up, but it's killing the other bookers because all their long-term plans are constantly having to be thrown out the window such as the Giant vs. Nash and Hogan impending feuds.

This makes a lot more sense to me than any scenario anyone can concoct, trying to tie the logic strings together that allowed The Giant to make his decision to turn into a rogue conformist. Wait, Dr. Unlikely says he can do it?

I like to think, had we been given the full Kevin Sullivan treatment here instead of the one, er, sullied by Hogan's last minute changes, we would have actually seen a taped segment of Ted DiBiase delivering The Giant to Hogan's mansion done as a direct parallel to Hogan being transported to the Dungeon of Doom. The Giant staring in awe at a row of three motorcycles and saying "There's hundreds, DiBiase!" The Giant dipping his hand in Hogan's jacuzzi and shouting "That's not cold!" The Giant, now completely out of his element seeing the vast opulence of the Hogan Estate, wandering into Hogan's den where Hollywood Hogan would be watching The Princess Bride, and the sight of his father, Andre, would awaken buried desires of being a Hollywood Superstar within The Giant, all while DiBiase would be using the same pitch to turn The Giant that he once successfully used to turn Andre.



Condensed version of Saturday Night this week; I assume the Cyborg Factory had a malfunction and was unable to finish production on the second half of the required jobber construction. Still, DUSTY RHODES and TONY SCHIAVONE are here, dressed in black because WCW is dead baybee! Tony calls this the biggest shocker yet (oh hell, Tony, Hogan JUST turned a month ago), and Dusty figures the balance of power is now in the nWo’s section, and why not, they clearly have the numbers advantage of 4 to 846.

“HARDWORK” BOBBY WALKER vs. ARN ANDERSON

Walker wins via DQ in 0:08 due to racism when Arn tosses him over the top rope. Oh, did I mention your referee is one NICK PATRICK? Still, rules is rules. Arn asks for the stick, and I hope it’s to apologize for his embarrassing behavior here. Instead, Arn announces the Horsemen aren’t going to curl up in a ball and die, despite the Giant’s turn. He’s placed some calls of his own. Oh my god, he’s recruiting ECW!

No, in all seriousness, he heads to the back where he crosses paths with KEVIN SULLIVAN and JIMMY HART. Arn says he feels utterly helpless like he never has before. Sullivan reminds Arn that they’ve worked together before, and he got backstabbed at the Great American Bash. With that in mind, he recognizes it was a Horsemen move, and he can let bygones be bygones. Sullivan promises that if anyone from the Dungeon ever thinks about defecting again, they’ll be struck down by Sullivan himself. Why wouldn’t he do that NOW when SOMEONE DID?

KENNY KAOS vs. CHAVO GUERRERO JR.

Tony announces that TOMORROW, Glacier is COMING! I don’t believe him. Wikipedia indicates he’ll debut on WCW Pro, but I go with “if I didn’t recap it, it didn’t happen” – and since I don’t recap that show, it never happened. Kaos takes early control, which is pretty much the template for Chavo Guerrero Jr at this point. Wait for the fluke ending, it’s coming. Lo and behold, Kaos gets cute and takes Chavo to the top, where he shoves him off, and a lousy moonsault gets the pin at 2:51. Chavo is seriously all kinds of awful at this stage of his career. *

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND talks to Chavo about Fall Brawl’s match against DDP. Chavo blames Eddie and himself for turning their backs on Page in the past, but this time, he’ll be watching him like a viper. Perfect.

“SQUIRE” DAVID TAYLOR (with Jeeves) vs. BOBBY EATON

Eaton uses the old recycled “Stunning” Steve Austin music. Eaton has decided to abandon his British roots which go back as far as 8 months ago. Taylor attacks before the bell, and, YES, the European uppercut is out in full force! Two of them even! Dear god, this is a ruthless man! How Eaton is not on life support is beyond me. Eaton throws some punches, but Taylor launches his THIRD European uppercut! You can have your Brock Lesnar German suplexes, I’ll take these. Eaton comes back with a swinging neckbreaker, but Taylor’s a real man, and he comes back with the fallway slam. For some reason, Jeeves throws down the British flag now, and that just sets Taylor off to tell him where to go. Back in, Jeeves trips him up and Eaton steals a pin at 1:58. ROBBERY! VANDAL! SCUMBAGS! 1/2*

PRINCE IAUKEA and JIM POWERS (with Teddy Long) vs. THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart)

It’s been nice knowing you gentlemen. Sure enough, the Faces give the faces absolutely nothing, and I’m totally cool with that. Iaukea throws some sad dropkicks that doesn’t pack much more punch than a bite from a mature mosquito. Faces laugh it off, Meng hits a spike piledriver, and the boys launch the double headbutts. RON THE LEPRECHAUN runs down and attacks Jim Powers, while Barbarian finishes Iaukea at 3:14. Braun tries to eat Iaukea post-match. *

VK WALLSTREET vs. RANDY SAVAGE

Savage attacks before the bell, Rubbermaid trashcan in hand, in the aisle. The referee throws this out before it starts. Savage angrily drops 3 elbows, before THE GAMBLER and HIGH VOLTAGE try to save. Savage easily disposes of them all. Including the Gambler, much to my annoyance.

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND wants to know what on earth just happened. Savage says there’s no more rules in WCW, all bets are off, and promises that Hogan’s finished at Halloween Havoc. Gene signs off, closing on the footage of the destruction from Nitro.


Well that flew by! Worldwide tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

WCW Prime: September 2, 1996

Before we get started (and mournfully acknowledge that Prime is down just 6 episodes), I had mentioned at the end of the Nitro-cap that I wanted to discuss the Giant’s turn a little.

Look, it’s not the first stupid heel turn I’ve ever seen, and in terms of execution, it was done ok. My issue is that as a viewer, however, I want to be rewarded by slick writing. This was lazy, akin to the Booty Man working as a secret agent on behalf of Hulkamania for 2 years inside the Dungeon of Doom.

1)  Giant was brought in specifically to eliminate Hulk Hogan. Giant had spent over a year, working on exclusively that goal.
2)  Giant had managed to become a mega-star, capturing the World Heavyweight championship and going on an absolutely dominant run. That came to an end, when he was cheated out of his glory by one Hollywood Hulk Hogan just 3 weeks ago.
3)  They sold it that he was promised movies and money, but that violates at least one part of his character arc; which is he’s a demented freak along with the rest of the Dungeon loons, and their motivation is clearly not for individual personal gain. I’m not opposed to character growth, but we were led to believe that this guy was buddy buddy with Braun the goddamn Leprechaun in his spare time.
4)  I know the long-term plan is clearly to expand (as Hogan promised 8 men total), but could they not have tapped in to any of the other suspects instead? I realize the Colonel and Sherri are probably too campy, DDP is probably too obvious, and Booker and Stevie are probably too black, but there really was no rush here. DiBiase would have been a fine start, and they could have just waited for the 1-2-3 Kid (oops, spoiler) so as to keep the WWF-exclusivity alive for the time being.

Some people are able to point out that Giant did hint to it a little. He was frustrated that Savage did nothing to help him at Hog Wild. Which, if he’d cited on Nitro, I’d find it a LITTLE easier to stomach. But the writers seemed to forget their own prep work, because Giant immediately started carrying on about owning a million cars and getting movie parts, which would not seem to appeal much to the man. His pride came from dominance. Nevertheless, here we are – The Giant is nWo, and Prime is still on the air. Also still on the air? Johnny B Badd’s mug in the opening credits.

CHRIS CRUISE and DUSTY RHODES can’t wait for Fall Brawl where we’ll see the nWo against WCW! Dusty is concerned about the well-being of this 100 year old company (here we go…). Dusty insists that this is the final chapter. He also challenges them to try and show up on Prime. Which of course would be impossible, since most of these matches were taped a decade ago.

MAXX vs. ICE TRAIN

Train announces “I’m WCW!” on the way to the ring. I’m starting to see where the company went to hell. Dusty promises we won’t see no twists and turns and flip flop n fly’s in this match. NICK PATRICK is refereeing here, though he’s clean shaven, despite the fact we just saw a giant bushy moustache on Nitro. Also captivating is the “WCW WORLDWIDE” sign that keeps sneaking into the frame atop the entranceway. I’m really going to miss WCW Prime – where they couldn’t give less of a shit about any kind of continuity or regular taping schedule, but STILL insisted the announcers try and glue it into ongoing storylines. We have a double clothesline spot, but Train recovers first and hulks up. Train Wreck finishes at 3:24. 1/2*

HIGH VOLTAGE vs. THE PUBLIC ENEMY

You know what jobber team I loved? Disorderly Conduct. THEY should be on every show, NOT High Voltage. I would ask the WCW booking committee to please stop putting them TV. Unless of course they’re prepared to rip off the Festrunk brothers, what with their extra tight singlet that enhances their bulges. Then I can go for it, ONLY if it means Kimberly is back on TV. Rock uses a series of armdrags on Kaos (“whirleeburlee!” announces Dusty), and Grunge hits a short arm clothesline for 2. Rage takes a double clothesline, but a Kaos distraction lets the neon green team take over. Butterfly suplex gets 2. Kaos nearly scores an upset with a dropkick on Rock, but Grunge saves. Rage calls for some high flying, but he misses a pretty good looking swanton bomb. Grunge comes in with the hot tag, and runs High Voltage over. Drive By finishes at 4:58. This was about 4:58 too long for my liking, though Dusty salvages it by trying to sing TPE’s theme song. *

HUGH MORRUS (with Jimmy Hart) vs. LEROY HOWARD

It should come as no surprise that RON THE LEPRECHAUN runs around the ring, because Dusty Rhodes is in the booth and he needs to start squealing. And speaking of Dusty-isms, his calling of “The Laughing Man” Leroy Howard gets a quality grin from me. The usual from Morrus, who refuses to finish during the multiple times he has Howard down for the count, until he hits No Laughing Matter at 2:06. DUD

THE STEINER BROTHERS vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Colonel Robert Parker) (for the WCW world tag-team titles) (in the Prime Cuts Moo Match of the Week)

Short edition this week, as an early nWo promo (the Denver Post one), and Dungeon of Doom segment (the intro to Braun the Leprechaun) chewed up a lot of time. And my reward, is my 9000th viewing of the Steiners and Harlem Heat in the last month, none of which have produced any fruit for me to date. Dusty and Cruise discuss the merits of keeping Larry Zbyszko off the program, which is a nice distraction from the actual match. Stevie starts with Scott, which is a change to the usual formula since Booker often starts. Scotty powerslams him, and turns things over to Rick, who immediately locks on a chinlock. Stevie thumbs the eyes, and has run through his move-set already, so he tags in Booker. Booker tries a leapfrog, but gets powerslammed mid-air. He steps out for some air from the Colonel, while Rick bites the bottom rope. Back in, Booker does the spinaroonie and nails Scott with the Harlem sidekick. Scott doesn’t care for that nonsense, and hits a pumphandle slam for 2. The Heat use questionable tactics to take control back while the referee is tied up with a whiny Rick Steiner, and a powerslam from Stevie gets 2. Sidewalk slam brings in Booker, who hits a legdrop off the second rope for 2. He goes to the well a second time, and misses the second rope headbutt – giving Scotty enough time to tag in Rick. Rick and Booker wind up alone, and he hits the top rope bulldog, but as always that draws in the Colonel for the DQ at 5:49. Make it stop, PLEASE make it stop. *1/2


Chris Cruise promises next week we’ll talk a lot more about the New World Order. So, basically, it’ll be the same thing as Nitro. Dusty tells the nWo this is where the big boys play, and offers up Chris Cruise if they have the guts to collect. PLEASE let this happen! We’ll find out next week if my wish comes true.